Euphinia York Gets Baptized

This summer, Graceful Falls Baptist Church took full advantage of the free labor in the form of out of school youth in an effort at community outreach. One hot July afternoon we were paired off to canvas the neighborhood in search of potential new members. I was paired with my best friend Laura. Together, we went door to door at the Winespring Apartment complex which was located down the street from the church. The apartment complex was made up of about half a dozen small buildings which contained four apartments each. Each apartment was on the ground floor which was nice because Laura and I didn't feel like walking up and down all those stairs in the 102 degree Texas heat.

Armed with water bottles and full color pamphlets with Graceful Falls Baptist Church written across the front, we began knocking on doors. The first door we came to went unanswered and so we left a pamphlet wedged in to the space between the knob and the frame. The second apartment we came to was blaring music out of an open window, but no matter how loudly we knocked, no one came to the door. We left another pamphlet wedged between the knob and the frame just as we had done for the first apartment. The third apartment we knocked on had a dirty brass number 3 hanging lopsided from the front door. Also hanging on the front door was a decorative sign that read, I'd give up chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

We knocked on the door and a few seconds later it swung open. That is when we first laid eyes on Ms. Euphinia York. She was big. She was probably the biggest woman that I had ever seen who wasn't on a reality show. Her floral dress hung just above her knee high stockings. Her hair was in tight blond curls and her cheeks looked as though she had applied blush with a tube of lip stick rather than a brush.

"Can I help you girls?" she said and suddenly Laura and I realized that we hadn't planned for what to say in the event that we actually found someone who was home.

"Uh..." Laura said.

"Um..." I tried.

"Here." Laura went on and handed her a pamphlet.

"We are from Graceful Falls Baptist Church." I finally figured out how to say. "We would like to invite you to visit us this Sunday for worship."

"Baptist, you say?" she muttered as she flipped through the pamphlet. Her eyes rested on the section which introduced the church staff. "You know you have a woman pastor?"

"Yes, I do know that." I answered. Laura rammed her elbow in to my ribs for being rude, but if she was going to start arguing with me about women's place in the church, well then I was going to get ready for a fight.

But instead she said, "Well, that's nice. I thought you Baptists didn't allow that." 

"Some don't, but we do." I said in as cheerful a voice as I could muster. Laura was throwing me dirty looks. She was obviously afraid that I couldn't conduct myself with any decorum.

"Well then," Ms. Euphinia said, "I think I may just take you up on that invite. I don't drive, but it's just right up the road. I can walk that if my knees don't start to bother me too bad."

After she had thanked both of us for our visit we left and I wondered if she really would manage to walk the half a block up to the church. She was a big lady, and it was hot out. There were days I didn't want to walk down to the mailbox.

Then next Sunday, however, Ms. Euphinia was sitting in the back row of the sanctuary red faced and fanning herself furiously. Pastor Martha preached about Acts and the difficulties that the apostles were having over the issue of circumcision. I thought this might be an unfortunate choice in sermons, but Ms. Euphinia seemed to be impressed. On our way out of the sanctuary I heard her tell Pastor Martha how nice she thought it was, and that if the apostles could argue over scripture then perhaps there was hope for the rest of us.

Ms. Euphinia came to church every Sunday throughout the rest of the month of July and kept coming all the way in to August. Then, the first Sunday in August, when Pastor Martha issued her invitation to join the church, Ms. Euphinia heaved herself out of her pew and began to slowly make her way up to the front of the church. Pastor Martha put an arm around her and they talked quietly as we sang the last stanza of Just as I am. Pastor Martha then turned to the congregation an announced that Ms. Euphinia York would be joining the church by baptism. I'm not sure why this surprised me. I guess I just figured most grown folks were either already baptized or had already made up their minds not to be. But I guess there are always going to be things I haven't seen yet and that's no reason to start thinking they can't happen.

The next Sunday we took our seats in our usual pew. Dad, mom, Thomas, Michael, and I all sat together. Laura sat two pews in front of us with her mom and younger sister. As the organ music began to signal the congregation to stop visiting and settle down, a hush fell over the sanctuary. Then Pastor Martha stepped out from behind the wall of organ pipes and in to the baptismal.

"Peace be with you," she called out.

"And also with you," the congregation answered.

As Pastor Martha went on, I looked ahead two pews and saw Laura eying me over her shoulder. She was smiling and giving me a big thumbs up in a way that her mom couldn't see. Obviously Laura was prepared to take full credit for the events of today. A huge splash brought our attention back as Ms. Euphinia entered the baptismal as well. Pastor Martha's eyes bulged as she watched Ms. Euphinia displace the water and looked as though she thought it might splash over the sides and drench the choir sitting directly in front. Some of the choir members looked as though they had the same idea and began nervously glancing behind them.

Once Pastor Martha regained her composure she began again. Laura turned back to me with big eyes and open mouth. Maybe she didn't want credit anymore. Not if it involved dousing the back row of the choir in baptismal water.

As I looked up again, I saw Pastor Martha put her hand behind Ms. Euphinia's neck and her other, which was holding a white cloth across her face. Pastor Martha tilted her back and said, "With Christ you are buried." We waited for her to continue with the rest of it but, once again, Pastor Martha paused. Her eyebrows came together and she looked like a woman who was debating herself. Above the wall of the baptismal we could see the tops of Ms Euphinia's breasts and belly as her body floated stubbornly on the top of the water. Pastor Martha's lips thinned in determination as she applied more pressure to the top half of Ms. Euphinia's body, only to cause her legs to fly up and kick and thrash violently. Pastor Martha thought better of it and ceased that approach. Next she placed both hands on top of Ms. Euphinia's middle and pushed. Ms. Euphinia bobbed in the water and this time some did splash over the sides as the choir members directly in the way began to scoot their chairs up. Finally Pastor Martha must have called the job done because she pulled Ms. Euphinia up and said, "Rise to walk in newness of life."

I saw that Laura was looking back at me, but I couldn't risk meeting her gaze or I would not be able to contain myself. I was biting my lip as it was. I knew I wasn't the only one. Dad was busying himself with cleaning his glasses on his shirt, but his face was red the effort of not laughing.

As the service came to a close and we made our way out of the church, I saw Ms. Euphinia standing in the back with Pastor Martha. When we approached Ms. Euphinia scooped Laura and me in to a huge hug, pressing our heads in to two parts of her that I'm sure did not get baptized. "I thank the Lord for the day your two came knocking on my door." she said.

"Mmff arumph mmhm Mf fnia" Laura said with her face pressed against the ample bosom.

"Mmm Hmm" I agreed.

When she finally released us we headed out to the car. Both of us quietly agreed that we could never miss a day of church ever again because you just never knew what fun you might be missing.